Flood

I was asleep on the sofa when the rhythmic pitter patter of raindrops that had found their way through the window and onto my skin woke me. At once the heavens decided that thunder and lightning were just the right mix to liven up the afternoon. And so, I sat up and for a few minutes, just watched the droplets free fall from the clouds and flick the ground one millisecond at a time.

Then from the nook of my mind where I kept the memories of all those bible stories my mother read to me when I was younger, crept out a little thought. The great flood. Noah’s ark. The cleansing of the earth because, as it was phrased in that children’s story book, “men had become far too wicked.”

We all know how the story goes, but let me remind of how it ended. When Noah and his family came out of the ark and built an altar to praise God, our Lord vowed that never again would He flood the earth… which led me to wonder, what If God hadn’t promised? What if there came a time, when once again men had become far too wicked. And in God’s wise judgment, He’d choose to flood the earth again. What if that was happening right now?

Human as I am, I went right ahead and thought of who to blame. I went and searched the world for people I could label ‘wicked’. It’s those darn politicians, I thought, and their corruption and abuse of power. It’s those gangs, and cults, and secret societies bent on world domination. It’s those kinds of people who use drugs, and kill, and steal, (and litter) and do things of that sort. Then I took a step back and checked myself. I reprimanded my hypocritical self because although these people have done wrong, I am not without my share of sins. We all are not without our fair share of sins. Because if God really was flooding the earth right now, and he picked all the Noah’s of the world to keep safe from the waves and the water that would submerge even our tallest sky scrapers, I’m not certain I’d be one of them. If the world had become far too wicked, nobody would have the right to point the blame to anyone else. After all, before we find the faults in others, we must look to ourselves first. And although we’ve all heard that before, sometimes we just need a little reminder, well I know I did.

By the time I finished writing this, the rain had mellowed down. And the thunder kept to himself. And the lighting no longer sent flashes of light across the sky. Because of course, God wasn’t flooding the earth, because He did make a promise. And we’re pretty darn lucky He did.

Nanay Rosa

Yesterday afternoon, we received terrible news. The woman, who helped raise my dad in his youth, and as far as I can remember was a huge part of my childhood, passed away. And under such heart-breaking circumstances too.

I remember her strict rules about using the coaster when you set the glass on the table, or how not to leave the fridge door open too long, or how to change out of my school uniform the moment I arrived from school. And oh how I loathed those rules when I was kid. But I followed them nonetheless for she had this terrifying glare that could pierce into my soul (or at least that how it seemed like at the time). I kind of miss it now. Long after she had stopped working for us, (although she still wanted to,but it just wasn't right to let an elderly woman continue to work as house help), she was still very close to the family. Turning up on merry occasions to greet whoever a happy birthday, or to wish everyone a merry Christmas, or just to say hello and give the children she helped raise a weak, but very loving hug.

What pains me the most is that the last I saw her, she had gained weight and looked very healthy, and we were joking about not having a Christmas present for her. We of course did, and she went home smiling. It breaks my heart to recall how she smiles now because it makes me want to cry.

We aren't blood related in any way but she's grown to be part of the family way before I was even born. And what absolutely kills me now is that the cause of death (pneumonia) would have easily been prevented because it started merely with a cold. But she didn't go to our clinic because she didn't have to money to pay for the fare. Oh had we only known. Writing about her is the only way I could maybe, somehow honor her.

She was one great woman, and I will miss her.

So, I ask you, please say a little prayer for her.

Rest in Peace Nanay Rosa...

Frustrated Writer

I've come to a horrible realization.

Many times, I've opened this page in hopes of writing something new. I think of a topic I really want to write about...and I get half way through. And then, I save it as a draft. I don't know when I'll ever get around to finish them.

So, frustrated as I was looking at my long lists of drafts. Taunted by the blue button beside it that says, "edit post", I realized, when I didn't consider myself a "writer", I wrote plenty. I didn't even have to think about it and it just came out of me. Word after word, phrase after phrase, sentence after sentence, and voila! a pretty good essay or story or poem was created.

And the second I began to overthink everything. It became difficult to create anything at all. Or rather, create anything that I thought was good enough. Because I'm so wrapped around writing something "good", I stop trying altogether for fear I might not be good enough after all. That maybe I've deluded myself into thinking I had something when it came to writing. And that's just a load of...something nasty.
While part of me is sullen and sulking, the rest of me is just screaming to myself, "oh for goodness sake, GET OVER YOURSELF!" and that's just what I plan to do. Because I love to write, why should I stop myself because of some irrelevant insecurity, why should I even care for that matter if I'm good enough now. There's always room to get better. And if I don't try, I'll never get to where "better" is.
Sure, I may not be a nobel-prize winning author, and though I aspire to be, it might not even happen. But all those award-winning writers didn't get to where they are now by sitting at home wailing about how they might not be good enough.

Because, while over-confidence isn't desirable, having none is just as bad.And a writer who's afraid to write has to be a bad joke of some sort. I've found something I love to do, and I'm going to run with it.

The Things I Do At Midnight

The heroine infiltrates the enemy camp to retrieve her holy grail. All the while she is fearing, the sleeping guards may wake. And they will imprison her till the first rays of morning

translation...

I'm sneaking into my parents' room to get back my ipod which I left there. Being very careful I don't wake them for they will force me into bed, as I am not suppose to be up at this hour.

Morning Pages #4

I'm in a bit of a hurry this morning. I've a lunch to go to at 11AM. Two of my friends are holding their advanced birthday parties together. In my barkada, there are 30 of us. And, now that we've graduated, we're all bouncing out to different parts of the Philippines and some even to the world. A few of them have actually left already which really, really sucks! (How very descriptive of me! ;) )

So, although it won't be the same without them, it'll still be a lot of fun I reckon.

Now I promise to start writing better and writing more substantial stuff on here. The morning pages will still just be me ranting about what comes to mind as I sit in front of the computer though. What I mean is, perhaps, every other day, I'll post something which I will have written in my free time. Things, that I hope, will be pretty good. And make more sense. And maybe make you think. Things that inspire :) That is the dream.


Cheers!

-Jessamine Cola-

Morning Pages #3

Totally Unrelated Intro: They've given the series 'Psych' another season :) I believe they'll start filming soon. YEY for Psych fans!

I had a summer first last night. I had no trouble sleeping at all. Normally, I'd be in bed, but I'd only be able to sleep 1, sometimes even 2 hours later. Yesterday night, the second I climbed into bed, I was out like a light.

My summer days are pretty routine. I wake up at around 8-9 AM, usually use the computer till lunch time. After lunch, I read, take a break, listen to music, read again, try to write every now and then if an idea comes to mind. Then comes dinner, and I go online for a bit, and then I go watch a movie. And just before bed, I either listen to music or read some more. And it starts all over again.

Yes, my life is that boring. O_O

Sorry, I really have nothing better to write about.

Cheers!

-Jessamine Cola-

Morning Pages #2

Morning Pages at 10 30 in the evening! But I have a perfectly good excuse for my lateness. Our internet has been down all day. It came back late in the afternoon... but by that time everyone was preparing for this huge dinner celebration for a newly wed couple in our apartment.

And thus leads to my topic for morning pages this evening--marriage. I was actually a flower girl at my parents' own wedding. (NO, I am not a love child.) I was the flower girl for their 3rd wedding. They've been married 4 times in 18 years. Weird huh?

But despite the many weddings they've had, their married life isn't exactly a bed of roses. I'd know, because I have to listen to them bicker. But I guess that's all part of the whole "spending your life with one person" deal. My parents are very different people, it escapes me why they even got together in the first place. But once you consider all the broken marriages so common these days, my parents are doing a pretty good.

The newly wed couple by the way (bless them) quite differ in their ages. The wife is 9 years older than her husband. Other people react like "UNSA?!?". I've actually have never found it an issue. Expect when your talking 70 year-old's and 20 year-old's. I find that slightly creepy. Like 10, 15 years? is alright for me. If they really love each other, they could make it work. My grandfather is 10 years older than my grandmother... and I know a bunch of other couples who very much differ in age but are very happily married.

(This so does not follow that intro-body-conclusion format they wire into our brains at school) OH WELL!

So, all my best to the newly weds and always praying for the my own rents.
Cheers!

-Jessamine Cola-

I Kissed A Book Today

A couple of months back, I bought that book for php260.00. I've always known about the character Sherlock Holmes but I've never actually read one of Doyle's novels. So when I saw this on the book shelf, sitting there, waiting for me to devour it page by page, (I sound like a nut now, don't I? ) I couldn't resist buying it.

I read the first novel on it titled, " A Study In Scarlet" and immediately fell in love with Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Watson and Doyle's writing. After reading some other books, I picked this one up again to start the second novel, but mid-way...I misplaced it. And I haven't seen it for three months... Until today!

I found it inside a bag among a pile of bags I thought were empty. I really should keep an eye on my belongings more carefully.

And I kissed my beloved paperback novel...err. paperback compilation of novels.

Yes, so unfortunately, I've started reading this other book and me thinks it's unhealthy to keep jumping from book to book without finishing them and just going back again (I was juggling Sense and Sensibility, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, No Comebacks and the Witch Of Portobello, GAWSH. I have no self-control!) and usually by that time the story loses a bit of its appeal because the "reading momentum" is gone. (Does that even make sense to anyone else but me? )

So now, I've got the month of May and a couple of days of June to hopefully finish all of them. And I've promised myself to not jump anymore. I'll read them in this order (No one really needs to know this but what the heck!) Sense and Sensibility, Jane Eyre, The Witch of Portobello, then Wuthering Heights (I'll start over with this one) , and No Comebacks is a bunch of short stories so I don't really need to get into that right now. AND THEN! I'll continue where I left off with Sherlock Holmes. And I'm hoping from now, till that time, I won't lose the book again. hahaha

Just Rambling :P
Cheers!

Oh! Note to Self: Read more contemporary novels

-Jessamine Cola-

Morning Pages #1

I was watching Ghost Whisperer last night, and it was one of the more interesting episodes.
For the first time, the ghost wasn't the problem but the living that had been attached to that ghost when she was alive. Her psycho-maniac stalker who had made her life a living hell. He drove away everyone close to her, convinced that he was the only one she needed.

There's more to it than that but in case you watch that series I won't spoil everything.

Anyway, it got me thinking. I've always been afraid of ghosts or zombies or pretty much anything that was dead-people related. But I found this episode of Ghost Whisperer way more frightening than when they actually focused on the ghost. (Aside from the one about Bloody Mary...that was far too creepy for my taste.) A stalker like one in the show could really hurt you and do the unimaginable to your loved ones. And that scared me most of all.

So what have I learned from all of this? I'm even a bigger wuss than I was before. Not only am I scared of dead people, but now, I'm also scared of just plain people.

Gosh I'm weird

Oh yeah! I made the morning pages XD!

-Jessamine Cola-

My Resolve To Write Daily

I actually have another blog, but I thought I'd make a new one just to make it "official".

So basically, I'll try to write everyday. And it might not always be substantial or deep or poetic but I'll do it everyday. (Unless I have a very good reason keeping me from writing.)

I'm doing this is because 1, I keep telling myself that I don't have the time to write... and when I do have the time, I end up not writing anything anyway. So this will hopefully remedy that little problem. 2, I'm taking a medical course and might not survive if I'm too focused on the science. This will be my way of wallowing in what's left of my art. (Sigh...)

I'm not even sure if anyone will read this... but I'm doing this for me, and the dream of actually becoming a "real" writer.

This will consist of the morning pages, which by definition, will be written in the morning. (Go figure.) I actually took that idea from this creative writing workshop I was just in. We were encouraged to do this, so I'm going to. Also, if ever I have anything else interesting to put down, or maybe a new poem if I come up with one, or just some random thought I'd like to blab on about, kinda like what I'll do if I don't stop now.

Yes, that's pretty much it.

I'll start tomorrow :)