Fork in the Road

Many a poet has attempted to describe the emotional tug of war that troubles the human person. I'm not much of a poet, so I'm sticking to one of the most overused metaphors there is--the fork in the road.

A lonely traveler whose arms are weary of his luggage and whose feet are muddy and sore, finds himself at a halt in the middle of the road. He now has to make a decision. With each story, it changes. Some make it out to be a choice between the easy road, and the one less traveled. Others, the roads present with the same difficulties, but it's what's at the end that forces our traveler to scrutinize his priorities. Still others, the traveler knows nothing of either paths that lie before him. He only fears that once he has made his decision, and finds fault in it, he will be swallowed whole by his regrets.

The problem is, usually the poem ends with the traveler being indecisive. Sometimes, he makes a choice but then we are just left at that. Personally, I don't think that helps us who live in the real world outside of fictional forks in the road. Because they'll tell you that there are a bumps along the way, but they never tell you how you're suppose to deal with them.

I want to read the story of the traveler who started down a road, fell apart somewhere in the middle, and came running back. That's how I feel right now. For I've been that traveler looking side to side, dumbfounded. I've chosen a path, I've run the course, I'm half way there, and I'm terrified.

My knees are weak, and spirits are at their lowest. I'm running low on optimism and I'm sick of hearing the same old pep talks.

The question is no longer, "Which way do I go?". It is, "Do I keep going?"

I'm already here but half my mind has decided to turn back because I'm about to fall apart. The road in front of me is scary. And I'm sure of the bumps I'll meet along the way--failure, disappointment, self-doubt--all the things I'm feeling right now, only they will be magnified in urgency and importance.

My soul tells me I'm a writer.
My mind tells me I ought to be a doctor.
My heart tells me that I should look to God for an answer but my ears strain to find His voice, but I only feel deaf.

What if I go on, but then I realize further down the road that this will never compare to the happiness I feel when I perfectly turn a phrase? Or maybe,when it boils down to it, I just can't cut it?

What if I do go back, and it will be the worst decision of my life because us was one? based on fear?

I have dreams with my friends--we're supposed to go to med school together, and build our own hospitals, and save the world.

How do I do that when I know I'm going to fall behind, and pale in comparison to their brilliance?

I have dreams with my cousin--she's supposed to mentor me through this because she's a few paces ahead and we're going to learn to be amazing together.

How do I get the same fire that I see in her eyes when she talks of diseases and surgeries and cures?

I have dreams with my parents--I'm going to build them a mansion where they'll never have to worry about a thing.

How do I do that if I turn back now and end up working as a temp at a minimum wage salary?

I have dreams with my sister-- We're supposed to see each other's names of the shelves of bookstores across the globe.

How do I become the best writer I could be if I don't have the time to invest into my passion?

I have dreams of my own--to be excellent in both fields. To be the doctor that makes her patient's smile and at the same time be the voice that makes people's minds tick.

How do I achieve that, when I just don't have it in me?

Big dreams are for big people. Little people have no business dreaming big for all they weave is false hope.


And if I don't make a decision, I'll end up losing both dreams.

-this is where I usually say, "cheers!" but there's nothing to be cheery for at the moment-

-jejecola-

Go On, Cry Wolf.

Relationships, to me, are like swinging doors. It's open, or it's closed, and you get very little in between. If you happen to get caught in between in those few seconds as the door retreats to its frame, at an inopportune time, you just might find yourself with a few bruised fingers.

I'm open or I'm closed. Making new friends is terrifying. It takes a while to pry me open, and there's a very slim window for when a person can come in. But when do I let you in, then you get the full force of exactly who I am--love it or hate it, I 'll give you my all. Luckily, I find that most people who bothered to break down my strange exterior, love who they meet on the other side--even with the craziness and moodiness that come with. And I wish they knew just how much I appreciate that. So apart from them, I'm closed to everyone else. I put on a smile and I'll act really nice, but mostly because I like to be polite. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike them either. The bother is I'm never truly comfortable with them, ergo, I'm never completely myself.

Then there's those who I've already let in, and yet, they chose to pry from the inside, out. It takes a while for those doors to budge because once I care about someone, I don't let go of them easily. But if they force themselves out, and the door closes behind them-- it stays shut.


I had a lot more to say, but realized that it's pointless to go through the trouble.

Cheers!

-jejecola-

Gold and Silver

New friends are silver, old friends are gold

GOLD

Rexford Louie Jake
Tecson To Chip

Look up in the sky! It's a plane!

No, it's on that tree! It's a bird!

Hang on, perhaps a monkey?

(I'd say that's a pretty close bet!)

It's my very best friend-- Rex! :)

How long has it been? I remember the shy and quiet boy from grade five who I'd see in the hallways. Sometimes play dodge ball together, but never said a word to each other. So, for a while, I had no idea how wrong I was about you!

Shy and quiet?

oh please! More like, that mouth needs to a cow shoved down there so deep---oh wait! you've already got that covered! :P

Seriously though, I thought the best way for me to greet you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY was to dedicate this blog to you. A whole chunk of space (way more than you deserve) just for you!

OKAY! Seriously, seriously.

Awwwe Rex! I can't believe it's been so long. We've probably had a million wonderful moments together, had a million great conversation and a BILLION stupid ones. We have probably shared a million secrets with each other (and insulted a million people, or maybe just one person a million times ;) HAHA!)

My point is, we've been through so much together. There's really no date set in stone as to when I woke up and realized, "hey, he's my best friend." But I'm glad that one day I woke up and I realized I could tell you anything. I found out that I could share my most private thoughts without being judged. I had someone to share a ridiculous humor no one else understood. I had a shoulder to cry on (because you weren't one for giving hugs, that's okay though, Jan and Dan were plenty hugs!). I could be silly and I'd have someone to laugh with. I could be serious and have someone give me advice. After a bad day, I'd just go through the dozens of texts you send me (the one's I don't always reply to, Sorry :P ) and I find a reason to laugh. You make a bad day without even trying. And for all those reasons, and for so many more, thanks a bunch :D

Each year as we get older, I have one more full year to be thankful for. That even though, we're not always together, the bond hasn't diminished in the slightest. Not one awkward silence. Not one *cricket cricket* moment. Not a instance where I doubted if you'd still stick around when we're older.

I wish you were just in the next hall. I wish I could tell you every silly thing that crosses my mind. I wish I could chikka you the moment something came up. But since that's really hard to do, I'll have to settle for the rare laags we have that always seem to be better than the last one.

I don't care if we celebrate your birthday in freaking July! we're celebrating no matter what.

Since I only get to do this on special occasions few times a year while reserving the right to demand that you say it back, I'm happy to remind you that:

I LOVE YOU, REXFORD!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

SILVER

James Verniel R. Novo

How have I found favor in the eyes of Mr. Perfect? haha. :P

Pwede mu luhod? Kissan nato ang tiil beh! :P

<-- EEEP! Super gwapo hair! haha






I think making friends is one of the hardest things to do in the world. If I don't know someone, I'm usually just introverted and quiet. I know, hard to believe, right?

That's because it wasn't so hard with you, James. And that's what I love about you. I love how easy it was for me to become comfortable around you and how easy it was for me to go nuts and start acting like myself.

You are everyone's friend. I notice how many people are fond you. Oh well guess what?

I claim bragging rights to Mr. James Novo!

I'd like to think you're in OUR group and the other people are just outside friend. LOL. I hope you feel the same way :P

Really James, It amazes me how close we became in such a short span of time. (Even though you don't love us as much as we love you! Kidding!) You're super easy to talk to and you always care to ask about what's wrong. I already told you I have a soft spot for you right? It's like this automatic impulse to make sure you're okay or something. I'm not really sure where it came from, but it's just there! I hate the thought you being sad (CHAR! haha) or the possibility that you got your heartbroken. I worry about you! So don't get yourself into any trouble :P

Remember that we're always here for you,okay?

Don't even second guess whether you're one of us or nor, because you are.

Oh! and one more thing! Buck up! You have so much going for you, but you want so little for yourself. (it's true, noh?!) You could be so much more amazing, James. All you need is that push right? Well we're going to be here to push you.

BE THE BEST BIMBY YOU CAN BE! haha

Even though it isn't reciprocated:

I LOVE YOU, JAAMEEETH!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Some people come into your life to stay for good, some merely make an appearance

I sure do hope you're both here to stay :)

This was the only way I knew how to make you know that you two are special to me, hope you enjoyed reading that

Cheers!

-jejecola-

Mother Dear #2

On pulling an all-nighter for an exam

Je: I'm so tired.

Mother: Just sleep for a while.

Je: I only have 4 hours to study.

Mother: You'll feel better after you rest.

Je: Sleep is for the weak!

Mother: NO! SLEEP IS FOR THE BODY

hahahaha.

Cheers!

-jejecola-

Here's To The Past...

for it gave me this present.

7 Dwarves. That's what we called ourselves.

Once upon a time we were just a bunch of oblivious freshmen just trying to fit in. And for a while, a good long while, 'the 7 dwarves' was a place we could feel at home in a world that was completely new to us.It felt wonderful to have people to doubt with, people to be scared with, people to laugh with, people to go crazy with.

And I think of what used to be fondly.

It's amazing how much can change in a year. For better or for worse, I guess I can't say for sure. We're all still friends, but there's no denying the rifts that have formed among us. To us who know how the stories go, I need not recount the pain. For those who don't, all I can say is this: Sometimes people just grow apart.

Today, I think was the first time that original group sat in the same table for the same purpose. We are all different people now. The familiarity is something I've certainly missed, but there's just no turning back time.

Sometimes, I really wish I could though.

Because truth be told, I miss you.

I can't say it was all bad though because after all, I ended up with this bunch:



They're my new comfort zone.

Funny thing too, because if you had asked me a year ago, I'd have least expected those two to manage to seep their way into my heart. Heck! I didn't know that the other one even existed!

Then again, who's to say that in another year's time, this won't just be another old photograph. How can I be certain that it won't be merely a memory of people I used to call my best friends. There's no telling what life will bring.

But one thing's for sure--

I'm holding on for dear life and I'm not letting them go without a fight.

Cheers!

-jejecola-

always silly and willy-nilly

I've misplaced my game face. But I know it's here somewhere.

I haven't been able to take anything seriously these past few days

I have a destructive inclination to procrastinate that I can't seem to shake off

I take way too many "breaks" (that last longer than my study hours)

Everything I read, I don't absorb. They're making ring-around-the-rosie circles in my head, and guess what? It's me who's going to fall down!




All I ever want to do is write.

gulp. I sure hope I'm in the right course

I'm actually supposed to be reviewing for an exam, instead I'm writing about having to be reviewing for an exam.

Cheers!

-jejecola-

Ligtbulb!

I've always been more comfortable writing essays. My poetry rhymes but never has any depth. My stories are sloppily written and usually awkwardly phrased.

But I realized just how much I want to be able to write fiction. I envy writers who are able to weave from the corners of their minds plots that keep you on the edge and turn a complete 180 to slap you in the face when you least expect it.

So now, I want to practice writing stories. I don't know how to pace dialogue or insert emotions or portray body language, but I'll figure it out!


Just you wait, my name will be on the cover of the next best-seller

“Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cheers!

-jejecola-

ha ha!

Religion has become a joke to some people and this song has got a really interesting take on it. It exposes how we humans tend to be so ungrateful. We constantly poke fun at God only to turn to Him only when we need something or when we've exhausted all our other options. The last line., "we're all laughing with God" is still a little sketchy to me though.. Thoughts, anyone?

Vortex of the Majority

Credits to: http://oo-rein-oo.deviantart.com/art/Swallowed-By-Society-173665824




The photographer calls this 'Swallowed by Society',which I think pretty much describes situation majority of the population. We are blind sheep following the herd. We live in a world of stereotypes, distorted norms, and pressures from the larger population. And to make matters worse, standards have been damagingly shifted. Pressure to be rich. Pressure to skinny. Pressure to fit in. Forget body image issues or good' ol morality, we all act like life is just one big party.

I bet the philosophers of old had it easy. They could point to a rock and say, "Behold! The origin of beings!" And if they supplied logical proofs, no one could say a darn thing about it. Except maybe pick something else and declare it the ultimate reality. In this day and age, people will point to you and think you're on crack.

Okay fine, maybe this is a little bit personal. But I hate being looked at like I'm a of freak of nature. So I get a little overexcited about stupid things and I find humor where others don't. I like obscure references and think that singing to cheesy love songs is hilarious. I probably overdo my hand gestures and I'm too loud when I get animated. But I'm not going to apologize for it.

(most likely, this is all in my head, and I'm just a tad paranoid)

But for arguments sake, let's say my delusions of being the objeect of people's ridicule is true

don't hate on me because you can't keep up

that was condescending, but no one's going to read this anyway. Bad days make for bad writing (in both contexts of being terribly written and writing something terrible).

Dare to be different

Cheers!
-jejecola-

Inspried by one dark night

What I Forget
By: Jessamine Cola

This old house, it hums a silence
Tis still beneath the darkened sky
Not a squeak, nor shuffling of feet
But awake in my bed, I lie.

My chest it rises and it falls
Breathe louder to pierce the quiet
“Twas but a dream,” I tell myself
But a part of me won’t buy it

Unaware as my eyelids slip
That’s when I plummet back to sleep
It’s only there, can they grab hold—
Those buried skeletons I keep

Panting as I’m startled awake
Take a moment to catch my breath
A chill up my spine, I tug on the sheets
To find they’re dampened with cold sweat

Turn to the right, turn to the left
Curl like a ball, but nothing will help
Now flat on my back, my eyes then find
The picture of His face divine

I then sit up and bite my lip
It slipped my mind again
The probing twinge of guilt acts fast
Roll out of bed, I clasp my hands

My knees against the wooden floor
I bow my head. Voice hushed, I say
“I know it’s no excuse, my God
But Lord, I had a busy day.”

I talk, He listens. He listens well
I hear Him only in the quiet
Amazing how, a few words exchanged
Can cause this troubled soul to brighten

There’s one sweet slumber that awaits
A final thought before I drift away
The trick to nightmares is simply this—
I don’t forget to pray