Many a poet has attempted to describe the emotional tug of war that troubles the human person. I'm not much of a poet, so I'm sticking to one of the most overused metaphors there is--the fork in the road.
A lonely traveler whose arms are weary of his luggage and whose feet are muddy and sore, finds himself at a halt in the middle of the road. He now has to make a decision. With each story, it changes. Some make it out to be a choice between the easy road, and the one less traveled. Others, the roads present with the same difficulties, but it's what's at the end that forces our traveler to scrutinize his priorities. Still others, the traveler knows nothing of either paths that lie before him. He only fears that once he has made his decision, and finds fault in it, he will be swallowed whole by his regrets.
The problem is, usually the poem ends with the traveler being indecisive. Sometimes, he makes a choice but then we are just left at that. Personally, I don't think that helps us who live in the real world outside of fictional forks in the road. Because they'll tell you that there are a bumps along the way, but they never tell you how you're suppose to deal with them.
I want to read the story of the traveler who started down a road, fell apart somewhere in the middle, and came running back. That's how I feel right now. For I've been that traveler looking side to side, dumbfounded. I've chosen a path, I've run the course, I'm half way there, and I'm terrified.
My knees are weak, and spirits are at their lowest. I'm running low on optimism and I'm sick of hearing the same old pep talks.
The question is no longer, "Which way do I go?". It is, "Do I keep going?"
I'm already here but half my mind has decided to turn back because I'm about to fall apart. The road in front of me is scary. And I'm sure of the bumps I'll meet along the way--failure, disappointment, self-doubt--all the things I'm feeling right now, only they will be magnified in urgency and importance.
My soul tells me I'm a writer.
My mind tells me I ought to be a doctor.
My heart tells me that I should look to God for an answer but my ears strain to find His voice, but I only feel deaf.
What if I go on, but then I realize further down the road that this will never compare to the happiness I feel when I perfectly turn a phrase? Or maybe,when it boils down to it, I just can't cut it?
What if I do go back, and it will be the worst decision of my life because us was one? based on fear?
I have dreams with my friends--we're supposed to go to med school together, and build our own hospitals, and save the world.
How do I do that when I know I'm going to fall behind, and pale in comparison to their brilliance?
I have dreams with my cousin--she's supposed to mentor me through this because she's a few paces ahead and we're going to learn to be amazing together.
How do I get the same fire that I see in her eyes when she talks of diseases and surgeries and cures?
I have dreams with my parents--I'm going to build them a mansion where they'll never have to worry about a thing.
How do I do that if I turn back now and end up working as a temp at a minimum wage salary?
I have dreams with my sister-- We're supposed to see each other's names of the shelves of bookstores across the globe.
How do I become the best writer I could be if I don't have the time to invest into my passion?
I have dreams of my own--to be excellent in both fields. To be the doctor that makes her patient's smile and at the same time be the voice that makes people's minds tick.
How do I achieve that, when I just don't have it in me?
Big dreams are for big people. Little people have no business dreaming big for all they weave is false hope.
And if I don't make a decision, I'll end up losing both dreams.
-this is where I usually say, "cheers!" but there's nothing to be cheery for at the moment-
A lonely traveler whose arms are weary of his luggage and whose feet are muddy and sore, finds himself at a halt in the middle of the road. He now has to make a decision. With each story, it changes. Some make it out to be a choice between the easy road, and the one less traveled. Others, the roads present with the same difficulties, but it's what's at the end that forces our traveler to scrutinize his priorities. Still others, the traveler knows nothing of either paths that lie before him. He only fears that once he has made his decision, and finds fault in it, he will be swallowed whole by his regrets.
The problem is, usually the poem ends with the traveler being indecisive. Sometimes, he makes a choice but then we are just left at that. Personally, I don't think that helps us who live in the real world outside of fictional forks in the road. Because they'll tell you that there are a bumps along the way, but they never tell you how you're suppose to deal with them.
I want to read the story of the traveler who started down a road, fell apart somewhere in the middle, and came running back. That's how I feel right now. For I've been that traveler looking side to side, dumbfounded. I've chosen a path, I've run the course, I'm half way there, and I'm terrified.
My knees are weak, and spirits are at their lowest. I'm running low on optimism and I'm sick of hearing the same old pep talks.
The question is no longer, "Which way do I go?". It is, "Do I keep going?"
I'm already here but half my mind has decided to turn back because I'm about to fall apart. The road in front of me is scary. And I'm sure of the bumps I'll meet along the way--failure, disappointment, self-doubt--all the things I'm feeling right now, only they will be magnified in urgency and importance.
My soul tells me I'm a writer.
My mind tells me I ought to be a doctor.
My heart tells me that I should look to God for an answer but my ears strain to find His voice, but I only feel deaf.
What if I go on, but then I realize further down the road that this will never compare to the happiness I feel when I perfectly turn a phrase? Or maybe,when it boils down to it, I just can't cut it?
What if I do go back, and it will be the worst decision of my life because us was one? based on fear?
I have dreams with my friends--we're supposed to go to med school together, and build our own hospitals, and save the world.
How do I do that when I know I'm going to fall behind, and pale in comparison to their brilliance?
I have dreams with my cousin--she's supposed to mentor me through this because she's a few paces ahead and we're going to learn to be amazing together.
How do I get the same fire that I see in her eyes when she talks of diseases and surgeries and cures?
I have dreams with my parents--I'm going to build them a mansion where they'll never have to worry about a thing.
How do I do that if I turn back now and end up working as a temp at a minimum wage salary?
I have dreams with my sister-- We're supposed to see each other's names of the shelves of bookstores across the globe.
How do I become the best writer I could be if I don't have the time to invest into my passion?
I have dreams of my own--to be excellent in both fields. To be the doctor that makes her patient's smile and at the same time be the voice that makes people's minds tick.
How do I achieve that, when I just don't have it in me?
Big dreams are for big people. Little people have no business dreaming big for all they weave is false hope.
And if I don't make a decision, I'll end up losing both dreams.
-this is where I usually say, "cheers!" but there's nothing to be cheery for at the moment-
-jejecola-
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