Lost

I don't know what's happening to me. I don't know who I'm turning into. When did I become this person? I'm lazy, complacent and unmotivated. I used to procrastinate, but this just ridiculous. I'm blowing important things off. I'm falling into a routine of just constant failure. It's failure after failure after failure. And I know I should be trying my hardest to turn things around but instead I preoccupy myself with anything but the things I must do.

I've lost my spiritually. I've given up every conviction I have ever had. I swear. I've drank. I've cheated. Next thing I know I'm gonna be doing drugs or something. I don't pray anymore. I don't have relationship with God anymore. I'm irritable, and mean, and hateful and ungrateful. I've become so superficial and have become obsessed with my looks.

I act terribly towards my family. I'm a burden to my friends. I'm worth walking out on.Besides, Who's to say I was ever worth keeping?

Who am I if not for the morals I kept, the standards I held, the relationships I fostered? If two years ago, you would've told me this is the person I would become, I'd have laughed. I'd have said that I'd never let go of my God. I'd have said I was passionate and driven. I'm 18 and I'm exhausted. I don't know if the path I'm on is right. I'm so scared that I'll just get fed up and give up all of a sudden someday. Someday when I've wasted so much time. I'm not cut out for this. My life has hit rock bottom. And I've no way of getting myself out.